


Dossier: The Lover

by thisnewjoe



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: (i think), Canon Compliant, F/M, Implied/Referenced Dubious Consent, M/M, POV Kaidan Alenko, POV Shepard Clone (Mass Effect), Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-08
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-08-20 14:23:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16557437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisnewjoe/pseuds/thisnewjoe
Summary: Kaidan's relationship with Shepard was complicated before the Shepard clone messed with things, but even that couldn't hold a great galactic love from blooming.The dubious consent is relevant, and entirely off-stage.





	1. Disorientation

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ElysiumsFalling](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElysiumsFalling/gifts).



> I attempted to write a gender-neutral Shepard that leaves lots of room for your favorite Shepard's romance with Kaidan to be part of this story. I hope you like it.

"I see our farmboy," the clone said over the omnitool's comm link. The call disconnected, signaling Agent Brooks' confirmation that the mission was a go. The clone stepped back from the window, tapped Standby on the tool, and it faded from sight to leave an almost midnight dark in the room.

In the stripes of light slanting through the blinds, the stolen face of Commander Shepard hovered with an expression of malice. The look was enhanced by infernal glowing through the scars that had been carved precisely from temple to chin, and which mimicked exactly those earned by the original Shepard through deadly tragedy and an astonishing, practically impossible resurrection.

The clone grabbed a hoodie and headed to the door. Tonight, across the Presidium, Major Kaidan Alenko was about to find himself an unexpected guest who would join him for the meal, drinks, and whatever might come next. The clone fostered some interest in the man sexually, but it stopped as far the mission required. There was no true romance there, though the Major needed it and the clone would oblige for this one evening. Between the alcoholic drinks, and Alenko's desperate loneliness, and the known interest Kaidan as in Shepard romantically and sexually, the man would walk into the trap with his arms open.

Brooks had balked at the clone's suggestion of acquiring a bottle of fine Canadian whiskey (courtesy of Brooks), but the clone convinced her that it would be a powerful enticement for Kaidan, which magnified the opportunity for certain interpersonal mistakes to be made. When Kaidan woke alone in the morning, the rot of betrayal will have taken root.

The clone laughed. It wasn't long ago that this body was resting skinless and thoughtless in a tube, suspended with the sole purpose of creating replacement parts for Shepard during the Lazarus project. After many weeks of training and education through neural implants, the clone now knew everything about Shepard that Cerberus knew, and though the memories were incomplete, they would be good enough for tonight.

 

~~ MONTHS LATER ~~

Kaidan was walking to meet James Vega to discuss the preliminary list of officers assigned to the Normandy's next mission. The ship was preparing for departure to take on the next step in defending the galaxy against the Reapers.

Naturally, after months of not hearing from Shepard, it was a shock to Kaidan to watch the group moving out of the trial room and down the hall. 

Shepard didn't look good. While the general appearance was healthy and strong, with a confidence born of years of experience in combat and command, Kaidan knew this wasn't going to be another fun — and perhaps a little awkward — get together for old time's sake. Just as the reality of how much distance there was between he and Shepard right now was sinking in, James nudged him in the arm and asked if he knew Shepard. 

"I used to," Kaidan's said. His voice was wary and confused. He certainly did feel he had known Shepard over the last few years, but seeing this face now? It felt like the most difficult one to face. 

This was not the lover he'd developed some difficult-to-define thing on the SR-1, and then discovered, embraced, and harangued at Horizon. It wasn't the arrogant ex-lover trying to hide sexual experience behind bravado and draws of whiskey during the few casual encounters they'd had together on the Citadel. Every morning, regardless of the promises made between them the night before, Shepard was always gone.

Kaidan was certain Shepard was the only person he'd come to love in the whole galaxy, and he didn't want to give that up. He knew he was loyal to a fault, and after getting over the shock of seeing Shepard face-to-face, he was committed to sticking with it and getting through whatever was between them, so they could maybe try again.

He wanted, more than anything, to go to bed whispering Shepard's name again between the sheets, and under the stars, and to wake up together.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan realizes that who he'd encountered on the Citadel was not the same person he thought it was. He confesses to the real Shepard, and hopes it goes well.

Kaidan had learned to be patient with himself and with Shepard after their blowup at Mars. It was a lesson he wished he'd learned at Horizon, because maybe they could have had a chance to be together earlier, without all this other nonsense.

But here they were, sitting side-by-side on the couch, looking in the general direction of the fish tank and not really noticing anything.

Kaidan had confessed that he'd talked with EDI about what happened between them on the Citadel, only to discover that EDI could positively confirm Shepard was not anywhere near the giant space station any of those times. Kaidan talked through things more, and they realized that the clone Shepard they'd first encountered trying to steal the Normandy was actually the same being who had put the moves on Kaidan the year prior, when Shepard was working with Cerberus.

It explained a lot about why Shepard never seemed to want to talk about the missions. Never explained anything, and avoided giving anything but the most basic answers. Kaidan hated it, but tried to trust that Shepard knew what needed to be done, and was doing it, even if Kaidan couldn't stomach it.

When EDI and Kaidan agreed they had a clear idea of the events with the cloned Commander Shepard, the Major had come to his lover's quarters to clear the air.

Shepard had been through a lot over the past few years. When the Commander spoke to the crew, there was an absolute certainty in the giving of orders and missions briefings that couldn't have been channeled by the same man who captained the first Normandy.

And it explained a lot about why the Shepard Kaidan had relations with on the Citadel seemed so off in some way. Once he realized that, he figured out why he was having a hard time trusting Shepard's leadership and friendship.

But Kaidan had just spilled the truth, confessing his hopes and fears and admitting to every mistake he could think of in the whole thing, and all that happened was kindness. Kaidan's hand was being held by this person whom he deeply loved, and he felt no judgment about it. He supposed it was relief, too, that he saw when he turned to Shepard and looked into those amazing eyes.

Shepard's face was beautiful. There were slight wrinkles around the edges that blossomed when there was laughter. The scars that radiated from the eye socket were softer now, but left unhealed on purpose. Shepard knew it lead to a visceral reaction in people that left whatever orders were given or requests that were made an automatic authority.

And trust. Kaidan felt trust. Shepard's voice was calm and cool. There was a row of light circles being drawn by the spiraling motion of the cool, powerful fingers. The field of cybernetics was boosted by decades with Miranda's work on the Lazarus project, and it was what made it possible for Shepard and Kaidan to live through some of the worst times the galaxy has recently seen.

Kaidan would later admit he was surprised and annoyed when Shepard started chuckling, and refusing to explain what was so funny. So Kaidan looked at the fish and thought about how silly all the stress and worry had been. He felt the warmth of his lover's hand, he thought of the bottles of whiskey they'd gone through over the months.

He remembered waking up that morning as the little spoon. Usually Kaidan took it on himself to curve around Shepard's body every night and hold tightly, providing some physical shield against the memories and nightmares that frequently plagued Shepard's barely restful nights.

Kaidan recalled how annoyed he was that the clone Shepard didn't seem to be interested in making sure they both enjoyed themselves. There was a gulf of disconnect between them, and if Kaidan had just trusted his heart, none of this would have happened.

And so he laughed. He'd laughed and leaned into Shepard and squeezed their hands together with his free hand rubbing at his face. It concerned EDI enough that she quietly asked Shepard if she should contact Dr. Chakwas, but Shepard laughed with him, and they held each other.

After a while, when the laughing had faded to soft crying, and both of them had leaned into each other and held on for dear life, they fell asleep holding on for dear life, feeling the stress and concern of a thousand tough days washed away in a river of salty tears that dried on their cheeks.

When they woke in the morning, feeling more rested than they'd remembered was possible, EDI let them know she'd queued several requests. There were the usual updates and asks from the crew, and various messages and bulletins from the Alliance. The news briefs were already loaded to their omnitools and the duty roster awaited Kaidan's review and approval.

They thanked her, stood together, and stripped the final reminders of the day before everything changed between them. Kaidan had no lingering thoughts about Shepard suddenly disappearing on him, and Shepard knew there would be no more arguments about trust and justice between them.

They agreed that when it was all done, they would be married. EDI took note and updated their files accordingly. A formal ceremony could happen later, when Reapers weren't about to destroy everything. For now, though, it was more than enough to have each other as they faced what might become the final days of sentient life in the whole Milky Way.


End file.
